So EPI and I flaked out on the couch last night to watch the MTV European Music Video Awards. Me because I’m a sucker for award shows; EPI because I’d promised him a Good Time. I felt I could safely make that promise because Borat was hosting and if there’s one character that can make YT and EPI delirious with laughter, it is Borat.
SO IT STARTED OFF WELL…
With Borat arriving from his native Kazakhstan in an old put-put-putt plane with one of those huge plastic fibre shopping bags containing his luggage. But over the course of the show, he grew increasingly unfunny, playing on clichés and stereotypes and relying on toilet humor and things that crossed the line into Sickoville, i.e. trafficking in children and other things that are beyond bad taste. So rather a disappointment, really, it must be said. I guess Borat doesn’t do crossover well. Meaning we’ll probably be giving the movie a miss.
But I digress. More importantly, there were a couple of awards that were not handed out, but should have been. To that end, we give you TIWR’s MTV EVMAs:
MOST IN NEED OF FORCED RETIREMENT
Madonna. Please stuff that woman into a manor house in the English countryside and make her stay there. She’s so damn arrogant and just plain distasteful that it’s quite nauseating. First she opened with this stupid pornoesque kind of number – made worse by half considering the fact that she keeps blabbering on in interviews about how she’s turned over a new leaf and that she used to use sex to manipulate but she’s all grown up and socially responsible now and doesn’t do that anymore. And then she made this long-winded speech prior to giving Bob Geldof an award and 1) was rude and arrogant to the audience when they wanted to cheer 2) couldn’t resist inserting an ‘I know what it’s like because I’ve tried to change the world too’ in there, which was just ludicrous and which I hope for her sake was a joke. She was on Letterman also the other night and just came across like a total narcissist stripped of all charisma. Boo.
MOST KICK-ASS PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT AWARD
Green Day. What a superfuckingexcellent band. I realize that with an album titled ‘American Idiot’ and being hyper political and critical of the Bush administration they could hardly go wrong, but they also have oodles of sex appeal and really know how to rock and roll. I’d like to see them in my neighbourhood before too long, if someone could please arrange that, thankyouverymush.
THE 10,000 ROTTEN EGGS AWARD
To all and any of the girls arriving with the hip-hop ‘artists’ and pretending that they were so horny that they were going to freak out and lose their minds if they were not given the chance to fuck the lead singer right now. In other words, pandering to some crazy lunatic male fantasy fuelled by the porn industry. Ladies. Where is your self-respect?
MOST HILARIOUS MOMENT OF THE EVENING AWARD
When the guitarist cartoon character from Gorillaz came out wearing only his underwear and proceeded to scratch his balls. Genial!
Oh and oops, I almost forgot:
WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE!
Meanwhile the weather is still freezing cold despite the warm spell we were promised. Temps at the moment are a frigid °C [i.e. no temps] according to the mbl.is website, while my outdoor thermometer bought at the warehouse sale last weekend is holding steady [very steady, far too steady] at 6°C. Sunrise meanwhile was at 09.21 and sunset at 17.01.