In the Big Annoyance sweepstakes, computer malfunction is a hands-down winner every time. Which is why I have been stalking around like a raving lunatic for the last couple of hours in a fit of frustration, screaming WHY CAN’T I GET ONLINE??!!!


It all started with AAH finally getting her long-awaited SIMS 2 game. In a flurry of excitement she installed it last night, only to – O vey! – find her little SIMS people all choppy around the edges and mooooovvviinng vveeerrrryyy ssllooowwwwlly. With the Sky Crashing Down, YT hurriedly flipped through the SIMS manual and reassured AAH that all it would take was a driver upgrade, available from the Microsoft Website. Which I’d look into tomorrow (today).


Welcome to the Microsoft Website. Would you like to scan for upgrades?

Yes please.

OK, here’s a driver upgrade for you. Would you like to upgrade?

Yes please.

(wait wait wait while download progresses, installation is processed, restart is complete…)

Hey! No little flashing lights on my wireless card, which can only mean one thing. Ohno!

Dial the OgVodafone techno help. Ask: WHY CAN’T I GET ONLINE??!!!

Techno guy: Do you have Millennium Edition?

Me: Yeah, how’d you know?

Techno guy: Because it’s the biggest computer virus ever created and the cause of all your problems, ever. Better upgrade before it sets off the apocalypse – come see us Monday.

Me: Yeah, but I upgraded this driver, blabla…

TG: Doesn’t matter. ME is the bane of wireless.

So here I sit, crouched in the corner next to the wireless router, with the laptop connected to Cyberspace by a Very Short Cable. Online, though.

Weather mild. It was supposed to reach 18 degrees Celsius today somewhere around here – in Iceland. Rain coming down in bucketfuls. Windows finally squeaky clean. Sunrise: 9.28; sunset: 16.54.